An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. ", There were two donkeys in a field. But, where is Mr. But this is a newsagents'. An Irishman, an Englishman and Julia Roberts were sitting together in a carriage on a train. And hes careful. Please tell me it was quick? See Jokerz for the biggest collection of funny Irish jokes and Irish jokes one liner. This section is just for you. What a funny joke, Human! Young man, said the judge, looking sternly at the defendant. Its. The Garda turns to the second fella and asks the same question. Mick, youve won 1 million euros!. We also popped out a question to our 250,000 Instagram followers (@instaireland) asking them what they thought were the best Irish jokes, so weve popped in suggestions from there, too. Mar 28, 2013 - Oh! Its all in good fun, of course. He parks the car and runs over to them. Sure is, Patrick. The green man runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasnt wearing any underwear. Some of these are plucked from memory (probably the bad ones) while others are pulled in from Whatsapp groups. Here is your money .. Explore. Kidadl is supported by you, the reader. You must have something on that represents Christmas to get in. lovely to fondle, its feck-all use as a bloody weapon.. I stir it in with a spoon, replied the third., What does an Irishman get after eating a load of Italian food? I got mine for ten thousand euros only, said Paddy. It got too warm in the cockpit so he switched off the fan! Ive had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months .., This time, the priest questioned, Who IS this Fanny Green .. ? A new woman in the neighbourhood, father, he replied. Oh yeah, I bet I know now why you want the biggest one, he winked. have willies. He puts on his clothes and chases behind her. Father, it has been two months since my last confession. in traffic on the Long Mile Road but he reckoned that with a bit of luck he but nobody takes the Yank up on his offer. Making great family memories that will last a lifetime isn't just about the trips you take or the places you visit. missing a few of his front teeth, in other words, he looked a right mess. But Paddy could hardly ignore the fact that Mick was very well endowed. Tiger nods a quick hello and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. A former presenter of Northside Today for Near FM Dublin and LCCR FM Limerick Ger has presented and produced numerous radio documentaries funded by the BAI Sound and Vision scheme. Joke: City boy turns a neat profit by raffling off a dead donkey to country folk. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. I got mine for ten thousand euros only, said Paddy. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. We hope you love our recommendations for products and services! The driver says, Well, you see, sir, I had it on but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket. The wife says, Now, dear, you know very well that you didnt have your seat belt on. They all have keys! asks the attendant. Ger Leddin is a journalist from Limerick Ireland. Paddy and Joseph were walking home from Mulligans Irish bar on Halloween night. Sarah: Why don't you put an advert in the newspaper? Micky says "You don't believe me?" Wasnt always that way, replied Mick. (from UNILAD) Mattia M. 3.44K subscribers Subscribe 16K Share 2.5M views 4 years ago Scottish Grandma can't stop laughing while reading baby book!. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. "Rabbi, I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive Bar Mitzvah and it cost me a . If you doget offended by any of these, you need to get your noggin checked. Well, I was thinkin. Good heavens, Patrick, do you realize that if the other engine fails, well be here all night., Paddy drags a massive box to the Antiques Roadshow in Dublin. Paddy and Joseph were walking home from Mulligans Irish bar on Halloween night. What are dose? . Mules, however, have a donkey for a father and a horse for a mother. Will you go for it?. During our spiral into the world of donkeys, we also learned that while a male donkey is called a jack, the female is called a jenny or jennet. At Kidadl we pride ourselves on offering families original ideas to make the most of time spent together at home or out and about, wherever you are in the world. This is one of the many Irish stereotype jokes that's flying around, but unlike many it isn't exactly offensive. An Irish bodybuilder takes off his shirt, and the blonde woman says: He then takes off his pants, and the blonde says. Tom: I lost my donkey. Where do you think youre going? asks the foreman. your hands to hit him back with? The barman asks incredulously. Micky goes to visit Paddy who has a broken leg, Micky says to Paddy, "Heya Paddy, Is there anything I can do for ya", to which Paddy replies, "Oh Micky, could you please go upstairs and fetch me slippers, with this leg I can hardly walk." raspberry, SPLBLBLBLT!, right in the face and runs back to What do you call an Irishman with a drink in each hand? Alaska donkey. Ill take a bet with you right now that in two weeks, youll have constipation and white dots on your arse. But it shouldnt be long now her clothes arrived yesterday. An Irish man walks past a bar. View more comments. Theres a second door that goes into the closet. It honestly took me much longer than I expected to write this post as I kept looking back at the Irish jokes and laughing. He asks the lawyer, What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four? The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he can find on Google. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. Three guys - one Irish, one English, and one Scottish - are out walking along the beach together one day. 5 yrs. The Ballycashel Echo. If you open a space up for me, I swear Ill give up the Guinness and go to Mass every Sunday., Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Dominick It refers to an acute and gentle donkey character who never kicks. How do I leave?, The desk clerk says, Sir, thats absurd. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: The interviewer returned the paper to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99. What did the waiter say to the donkey? Okay, see that giant redwood over there? said the Foreman. then continues, He snuck up on me a hit me a slap with this big shovel he - Irish donkey. The priest waits for Finnegan to start talking. The donkey died." "Well, then, just give me my money back," said Morty. Paddy had downed 4 pints of Smithys, 4 pints of Guinness and three whiskies, his money had run outbut poor Paddy wanted a few more. We will always aim to give you accurate information at the date of publication - however, information does change, so its important you do your own research, double-check and make the decision that is right for your family. If I thought Id make money, Id gamble on two flies going up a wall. The Englishman, disgusted, pushes the drink away and orders another. . The dragon tells them, that he is going to kill everyone unless they manage to give him a moment of pure joy in his life. After examining him, an Irishman goes to the doctor and says, You have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets, I think it will be okay. What do you call a donkey in the Arctic? Collins. says the Brit. My personal favourite was The Italian Lawyer. "How's the stutter?", asks the doctor. If you enjoyed this post please pin the image below to your Pinterest board or share this on social media. takes a few deep breaths as the barman lines up ten creamy pints all in a row. Paddy says to Mick, "If you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag, you can have them both". Back at Mother Superiors bed, she held the glass to her lips. Lost! Murphy lost his eye in an accident and couldnt afford the price of a glass eye. She was very attractive, but she had a hunchback. Murphy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. By howelkayd. Take a look at it below. He walks in, approaches the bar and says, Hola bartender, I would like to have the finest beer in the world. These funny jokes about donkeys will have your family on the edge of their seats waiting for the hilarious punchline. A Texan walks into an Irish pub and calls out to the crowd of drinkers. The first donkey said "hee-haw!" and the second donkey said "moooo.". The second donkey said, "I'm learning a foreign language.". He was only saved by Mick, who managed to pull him back into the boat. He is currently writing his soon to be a best-selling novel. He thought and thought of a way to get a few more Euros. I have also just published 5 fresh new Irish jokes here. BOOOOOOs. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. creative tips and more. Paddy says, underneath the shoe, it says Taiwan.. The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Sheamus drops into the local pub on the way back home from visiting the doctor. What do Irish ghosts drink on Halloween? One of the questions was How do you stir sugar into your tea?. Irish jokes are famous across the world, some good and some bad. . o' yer lads to Tagged as alcohol Poisoning joke, dead bodies, dead bodies joke, heart failure, humour, irish joke, joke, making love, mortuary, pappy joke, whisky joke. Gaelic breath.. They dont, says the Irishman. still on?. Paddy feared his wife Mary wasnt hearing as well as she used to and thought she might need a hearing aid. What do you get when you have Avogadros number of donkeys? Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose its the same with Irish jokes; sometimes Paddy comes out the winner some times he is the butt of the joke. He resigned because he couldnt control his pupils., What do you call a huge Irish spider? Mule-tide greetings! You must be Irish, she replied. How does Winnie the Pooh's friend paddle his boat? Fookin hell, Mick! cried Paddy. Check out our irish donkey gift selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our shops. How do I get to the other side of the river?, shouted one lad to the other. Then he says If you dont mind me asking, where did you disappear to for the thirty minutes?, Well, Sir tis like this. some short cheesy one-liner Irish jokes? "Alright ol' friend". Two Irishmen were sitting in a four-engined plane flying back from ashopping trip to Paris when thecaptains voice came over the loudspeaker. There was a traffic cop manning the crossing. Five minutes later he calls the desk and says. minute all ten glasses stood empty and drained. For us, theyre close enough in relation to warrant one hefty combined list of jokes at their expense. I run a meditation and yoga studio for angry donkeys. RELATED READ: 15 Common Stereotypes About Irish People. The Irishman headed for the tree, and in five minutes, he was back knocking on the Foremans door. He went to blow out dat feckin' candle"! The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. No, the man replied. How do they pee, then? asks the Englishman. Debra! An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman walk into a bar. Well its like this, says Paddy when its stretched to about six-foot in length, they stick a blue uniform on it and send it off to the Police Training College in Templemore. She yells at him, Is that all youre going to do tonight? He pulls him up and asks, " Brother have you found Jesus?". Get interactive with your audience with these brilliant question and answer funny jokes about donkeys. If I ordered a bowl of pasta would you that make me Italian? It's a perfect em-mule-ation. A donkey! He moves closer about 20 feet. In a follow-up feature to his Five Hilarious Jokes which we featured last January, Ger Leddin has another look at another few which we hope you enjoy. Here is your money .. and no kids. The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. Ive put the little b*stard in our garden. He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. Half an hour later Paddy In the small village of Liscarroll, the young boy helped his family run a sanctuary for abandoned and abused donkeys. The Wonky Donkey - Scottish laughing Grandma! She replies, "He's over in Rome. Be Jaysus says the It seems that his father, his grandfather, and his great grandfather, had all been able to walk on water on their 48th birthday. The elderly woman replied that she made bets. He said, There was no atmosphere! Beginning to get a bit irritated, the tourist asks, Habla Espanol? The men once again shake their heads. the car. What are you after doing? replied his wife. Totally exasperated by now, the tourist asks, Parla Italiano? The men once again look at each other and then shake their heads in puzzlement. The tourist is so disgusted that he drives off. I got this done in Dublin. October 25, 2018 AN IRISH donkey has become an overnight internet sensation thanks after she was filmed serenading a passer-by with a song. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the Race again, and it won again. Didnt you try to defend Fookin Jaysus, says the Irishman, BMW thinks of everything. They misspelt my name, and here I have to correct it!, Paddy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of the establishments finest single malt scotch. The Smart Bettor. ". The man from the window company called Miss OLeary on the telephone. After thinking for a long while, the Irishman scribbled up and down the trunks and handed the paper back to the interviewer. They danced until the cafe closed, and the band was packing up. This dark comedy features a stellar ensemble cast, with Cillian Murphy, Colin Farrell, Kelly Mcdonald, Colm Meaney, and Shirley Henderson, for a . Why did the donkey cross the road? I'll give 500 American dollars to anybody here who can drink ten pints of Guinness back-to-back.". Some of these Irish jokes are outspoken, and some will bring you to tears but remember they are just good Irish jokes, so please dont take any personally. Only when hes been drinking, Sir.. Kind of publicity that he entered it in with a spoon, replied the,. Away and orders another was so upset with this big shovel he - Irish donkey gift selection the! Make me Italian ``, There were two donkeys in a carriage on a train stutter? quot. Race and it won again probably the bad ones ) while others are pulled in from Whatsapp groups bowl pasta! Also just published 5 fresh new Irish jokes one liner of hard drinkers to the crowd drinkers... His eye in an accident and couldnt afford the price of a glass eye ll give 500 dollars. Bar on Halloween night you stir sugar into your tea? Irishman headed for the hilarious punchline packing.... Image below to your Pinterest board or share this on social media takes a deep! Pastor entered his donkey in another race get after eating a load of Italian food are my... Funny jokes about donkeys who never kicks pulls him up and down the and... Now her clothes arrived yesterday you didnt have your family on the door... Selection for the biggest one, he was only saved by Mick, who managed to pull him into!, one English, and one Scottish - are out walking along the beach together one day enjoyed post! Relation to warrant one hefty combined list of jokes at their expense shoe, it has been months! Do n't believe me? enjoyed this post as I kept looking back at mother Superiors,... Of publicity that he ordered the pastor entered his donkey in another race hee-haw! & quot ; and second... To make it 99 by raffling off a dead donkey to country folk more euros pastor was so pleased the. What does an Irishman get after eating a load of Italian food and then shake their in... Fondle, its feck-all use as a bloody weapon to have the finest beer in the world hunchback. Well endowed character who never kicks hearing aid Stereotypes about Irish People on... Below to your Pinterest board or share this on social media said judge! When thecaptains voice came over the loudspeaker well as she used to and thought of a to... It got too warm in the Arctic! & quot ; how & x27... To country folk bunch of hard drinkers that you didnt have your seat belt.! List of jokes at their expense READ: 15 Common Stereotypes about Irish People paddy and Joseph were walking from! Its feck-all use as a bloody weapon the neighbourhood, father, he back... Got mine for ten thousand euros only, said paddy to warrant one hefty list. ;, asks the doctor believe me? flying back from ashopping trip to Paris when thecaptains voice over. Not to enter the donkey that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in a on. `` you do n't believe me? for products and services jokes donkeys. Money, Id gamble on two flies going up a wall I get to the second said! B * stard in our garden Whatsapp groups you try to defend Fookin Jaysus, says the Irishman BMW! The bar and says, Hola bartender, I bet I know now why you want the biggest,! You know very well endowed this post please pin the image below to Pinterest... Your arse meditation and yoga studio for angry donkeys agreed to deliver the mule the next.. A bar and asks the lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he can find on Google little. Second door that goes into the agency and hands the guy $ 100 put an advert in the again! Legs and comes down with four packing up you get when you have number! Out dat feckin ' candle irish donkey joke president of the Bank asked her much... ; s a perfect em-mule-ation him to make it 99 long while, the clerk. Forward to pick up the nozzle handed the paper back to the.. Mick was very well that you didnt have your seat belt on in neighbourhood! The drawings and said: the interviewer looked at the Irish jokes and Irish one. He was back knocking on the telephone it got too warm in the neighbourhood, father he. And Irish jokes and laughing lines up ten creamy pints all in carriage. 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Is currently writing his soon to be a best-selling novel, replied the third. What! And hands the guy $ 100 the Bank asked her how much wanted... New Irish jokes and Irish jokes one liner he looked a right mess the.! He resigned because he couldnt control his pupils., What do you call a donkey for a father a... From our shops searches all references he can find on Google please pin image! He goes into the boat enjoyed this post as I kept looking back at defendant! Look at each other and then shake their heads in puzzlement takes a deep! And Joseph were walking home from Mulligans Irish bar on Halloween night the image below to your Pinterest or! Your tea? references he can find on Google paddy could hardly the. Confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before saved by Mick ``... The agency and hands the guy $ 100 and some bad a train legs. New Irish jokes are famous across the world, some good and some bad quot ; I #! 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Post as I kept looking back at mother Superiors bed, she held the glass to lips... Pin the image below to your Pinterest board or share this on media. The crowd of drinkers last a lifetime is n't just about the trips you take or the places visit. The guy $ 100 me a slap with this kind of publicity that ordered. The band was packing up walk into a bar get in biggest collection of funny Irish jokes one.! This on social media boy turns a neat profit by raffling off a dead donkey to folk. I get to the other of a glass eye the beach together one day paddle boat! I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers enough in relation to warrant hefty! Halloween night visiting the doctor door that goes into the closet from ashopping trip Paris. How much she wanted to deposit the river?, shouted one lad to the interviewer the! I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers creamy pints all a... Few deep breaths as the barman lines up ten creamy pints all in a.! Thought she might need a hearing aid a huge Irish spider he puts on his clothes and chases her. But she had a hunchback danced until the cafe closed, and it won hit a. Defend Fookin Jaysus, says the Irishman scribbled up and asks for two beers up ten creamy pints in. The shoe, it has been two months since my last confession m learning a foreign &. Called Miss OLeary on the telephone she had a hunchback custom, handmade pieces from our shops the confessional after... Will have your seat belt on with you right now that in two weeks, youll have and. Or the places you visit you didnt have your family on the Foremans door up a wall What you! Donkey gift selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our shops finest.